Exactly one month after I started this blog, one month after that first (and only) post, my beloved Boo Radley had to be put to sleep. His health… it became nonexistent very quickly. Cancer. Lymphoma. And by the time that I had a plan of attack and we were making progress against the cancer, a blood clot traveled to his leg and made other painful plans for my buddy. It’s been two months since he’s passed; two months since I had to make the decision for him to pass without pain. I have finally washed his beds and blankets. I have put his toys away. I measure his dog hair by the teaspoons now instead of cups. I look for him everywhere I go.

The most surprising thing that I did after Boo passed was I decided to foster a dog from a local no kill animal shelter. His name was Hudson. He was sweet, quiet, cute and distracting. He was not Boo and I knew that, but he was something that could keep me busy while I mourned. Something I could help in return for company. And within a week of my getting him, a couple came to visit him and he became their Boo Radley.

That was a month ago. Last week, I decided I would foster another dog while the shelter made room for more dogs to rescue.  His name is Frankie, and his family had to turn him in as they were having another child and couldn’t take care of Frankie. No matter how much you tell yourself that you’re not going to get attached to these dogs, you still will, and Frankie is the dog that will break your heart. He’s got the saddest face, even if he is the happiest dog in the room. He has a weakness for belly rubs and granola milk bones, and when I imagine what his voice would be like I hear Jack Black AND George Harrison. I don’t know- something about this dog reminds me of the Beatles.

The thing is, I’m not ready for a for-reals/for-seriously dog. I was looking forward to going to pilates again and not feeling guilty about staying at work late. I could travel again- go visit Christine in D.C. and not have to arrange a dog sitter. And no more PetSmarts or PetCo and those blasted vet bills that leave me hemorrhaging money for months. But now, when I think about all the freedom I would have, all I can see is his sad face, just waiting for me to come home.

Shit.